A Single Girl’s Fantasy

He’s so tall and handsome as hell…

If only songs could really predict the future. If only you could know that he’d be one of the bad ones. To make a long story short, I felt it. I felt that little pitter-patter. I felt that spark…before even meeting him. Do to our crazy schedules we couldn’t meet up right away, and for two weeks we sent messages, gifs, pics, etc. He made me laugh harder than I have in a long time, which is insane for someone I’ve never actually met. Thus, the technological age of dating infuriates me once again because it kills the fantasy.

So yesterday, I get up, pep in my step because yesterday I was finally meeting said handsome man. So Thursday night we confirm our lunch the following day, then proceed to flirt for twenty minutes. I fall asleep excitedly thinking about possibilities. Lately, due to work stress and other unmentionable stress I ‘ve needed to believe in the possibility of a happy ending.

So here it is, my CRAZY fantasy. (Please just sense the sarcasm). I want a partner. We talk about everything and communicate openly, from daily goings-on to our intimate sex life. In my younger days I needed him to be sexy as hell, and that was it. I was superficial, and until the past year, I never admitted it. Now, he needs to make me laugh. We need to talk about philosophy, religion, politics and everything…basically.  I know, I know, it will not always be jokes and laughter. We’ll argue. We’ll fight. We’ll see each other at our worst, but isn’t there a beauty in that? Of loving someone so much that you still want to go past the darkest of days. Anyway, the fantasy continues, I want a family. For the longest time, the idea of children seemed daunting, stupid even. Then life gave me examples of how great a mother I’d be, and I realized I wanted to pass down my hope to the next generation. I want to experience motherhood – well, that’s new. While I don’t want to give up my creative needs,  I need a creative job. Yet, I do want a great job with a house that I can design and decorate. I want to experience everything and see everything …so you see, it’s just a tiny fantasy.

I know that I won’t get everything. I know that I won’t see everything, but can’t I at least get you to show up to the first date. Maybe I’m naive, but is this really how we treat people now?

Previously I’ve learned from my mistakes, because I do want the fantasy. You can see reasons why your previous relationships didn’t work out. You can see things you want that you can fix, and things you want that only that person can have. You learn. You grow. Currently I’m growing on being more attentive on the other person, and I’m doing that so that my guy understands how much he means to me. Previously, I’ve been selfish. So where’s the balance? Where’s the path to get that fantasy? Maybe it’s just a fantasy? Maybe love doesn’t exist like the stories our grandparents tell us or how the movies portray romance. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe the fantasy is just that…a fantasy.

Here’s the deal, fantasy or no, I’m ready for the real deal.


The Single Girl